spelling bee moderator: contestant 142, your word is “fergalicious”
contestant: *looks around nervously* um… could i please have a definition?
moderator: *flips through dictionary* “fergalicious. definition: make them boys go loco.”
she reaches down seductively. I guide her hand to my zipper. she unzips my fanny pack by mistake. raviolis spill out everywhere
im like 2% cute and 98% single
Can you be 100% mine?
And that’s why you’re single.
ah yes! look at this random stranger, they have posted a “smooth” reply on my post that probably took about 3 minutes to think up. when’s the fucking wedding
HA HA HA riiiiiiiiiight
nah jk man like 5 mins ago, wbu?
apparently you can’t be employed by the CIA if you’ve ever illegally downloaded music
breaking news: in 20 years, the CIA will operate out of the president’s basement, staffed by four old men and six guinea pigs